You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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