Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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