i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
