One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You pole danced in your parka.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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