we made out on top of his cat.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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