laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
