i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
