I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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