We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
