Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
