I think i peed on brittanys purse
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize