i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
