I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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