Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize