He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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