even my farts smell like vagina
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
