he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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