ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
