allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Fuck me I smell like cheese
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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