I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
