you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
