Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
