i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
