So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
