im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
