I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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