Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
