We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
