He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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