Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize