literally had 100 drinks last night.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
