i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
