What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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