i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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