I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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