you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Randomize
