We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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