I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
