it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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