there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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