I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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