So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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