he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
