im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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