Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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