Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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