we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
