Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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