i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
