i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So vagazzling was a success
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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