i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
This beer is not sobering me up at all
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
