Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
