So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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