he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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