I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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