I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
