I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize