Ambien. No doubt about it.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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