I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize