jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
