There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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