Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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