Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
