ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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