Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
