I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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