I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
