just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
