her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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