Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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