good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
