He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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