so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
how does that bad decision feel?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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