You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
