fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize