no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize