Welp...herpes.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
