I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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