I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Randomize
