I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize