My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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