I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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