YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize