I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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