dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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