i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
