i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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