How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
