How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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