So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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