worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
