so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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